- Chuck Norris can get a Black-Jack with one card.
- When God said “Let there be light!” Chuck Norris said “Say please”.
- Chuck Norris´s tears are cure for cancer. It is shame that he never had cryed.
- Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
- Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t love Raymond.
- James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- Chuck Norris hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
- Chuck Norris visited Virgins Islands. Now they are called only Islands.
- Long time ago, Chuck Norris travelled to Mars…. we haven’t seen life there, have we?
- Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
- Chuck Norris can incinerate an ant with a magnifier… at night .
- Chuck Norris and Superman had a runnig contest with the bet that the looser will dress his underwear over his pants.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in God… God believes in Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can kick you so hard your descendants will feel it. Fifty years from now your grandson will grab his head and yell “What the hell was that?!”
- Outerspace exists because stars and planets were afraid to be on the same world as Chuck.
- Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
- Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
- In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris saved the internet on a floppy disc.
- There are no performance enhancing drugs in sport, just people ChuckNorris has breathed on.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- Chuck Norris lost his virginity BEFORE his father.
- Chuck Norris can draw a circle of 300 degrees.
- Chuck Norris can strangle a man with a wireless phone.
- Chuck Norris isn’t addicted to Cocaine, Cocaine is addicted to Chuck Norris.
- It’s OK if the mountain doesn’t go to Muhamad, but if it will not go to Chuck Noris…
- The sound that you hear when Chuck’s foot makes contact with someones face was awarded with 7 grammy’s so far.
- Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
- Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land!
- God created man, but Chuck Norris created God.
- God asked for seven months, Chuck Norris gave him seven days.
- In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.
- The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
- The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
- Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong to a “who has more testicles contest”… Chuck Norris won by five.
- Chuck Norris once shot down a german fighter plane by snapping his fingers and yelling “Bang!”
- Once Chuck didn’t shit for days, when he finally did, Mount Everest was the result.